Torn Between Two Lovers
by Fading wind
Summary: Riza loves both Roy and Jean. What can she do? [Royai] [HavocxHawkeye]


Title: Torn Between Two Lovers  
Genre: Romance/Angst  
Pairings: Roy x Riza, Jean x Riza  
Summary: Riza loves both Roy and Jean. What can she do?  
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. I don't own the wonderful song _Torn Between Two Lovers_ by Mary MacGregor either, from which I borrowed the lyrics at the end of this fic from.

**Torn Between Two Lovers**

She was assigned to the command of Major Roy Mustang the moment she entered the military. He had joined the military about a year before her. Her first impression of him was that he was just the average male soldier, possibly lazier and more perverted than others, but normal. His dashing looks held no effect on her. But as the days passed, she learnt of his dream. She saw the true person hidden underneath. And she fell in love, for the first time in her life.

Being young and hot-headed, she told him of her feelings for him, and he returned them. They were quite fortunate indeed, not to have been caught for fraternization. She remembered her happiest times were back then, spent together with him before the war.

When war waged between Amestris and Ishbal, the military got thousands of new recruits. And one of these people was Jean Havoc. He was not special either, except for one fact that made him stand out from other soldiers: the cigarette that was always seen hanging out of his mouth. He was assigned to the command of Major Roy Mustang, like her. He was wandering around in the headquarters, lost and having no idea where Mustang's office was. She was the one who showed him the way around. When their eyes met for the first time, her heart jumped. It was love at first sight, even though he was not particularly handsome. She had fallen in love for the second time in her life. She did not tell him anything though, for war was nearing and she didn't want him to have another thing to worry about.

During the war, she fought for her life, just like any other common soldier, but she had more than her own life to fight for. She had two people she needed to protect. Roy Mustang and Jean Havoc. The only two people important to her in her life. Her parents died when she was very young. Now there was no one to care for her but Roy. She needed him, and she couldn't possibly let him die. If he died, she would have no one else in her life that would love her. As for Jean, although he did not know of her feelings now, she planned to tell him after the war, so she couldn't possibly let him die either. If he died, she would have no chance to tell him.

Her first day in war was hell. She was sure she had killed at least a hundred people that day. A hundred people. It seemed like a massive number to her. Her hands was bloodstained, and they could never be clean again. That night, she could not sleep, she was breaking down. Her mind was being torn apart by the disturbing images of bloody corpses. Thank god she had Roy. She slipped out of her tent and went over to Roy's as quietly as she could. She sat down beside Roy, who, like her, was not able to sleep at all. She hugged him tightly and cried. He patted her hair and soothed her. He said she should grow her hair out; she would look more beautiful that way. She chuckled softly at his suggestion in spite of her despair. She really needed him. He was the only one that could make her feel better in dark times like this.

Later in the war, Jean was severely injured. Riza's eyes flew open wide as she watched him fall. She ran over to him, calling his first name as she did. He was unconscious when she reached him, and she quickly brought him to the medics tent. The doctors said he was in a dangerous condition and may not survive. Riza fell into despair once more. She blamed herself for Jean's injury. She could have protected him, but she failed to. This time, she could not tell Roy of her troubles though, for she did not want him to know that she had feelings for another man. She was afraid of how he would react when she told him. She kept her troubles to herself, and at night she wept silently. Thankfully, Jean managed to recover fully from his injury after about a month. She was joyful she almost cried happy tears.

It was at that time Jean discovered her feelings for him. He asked her if anyone had been calling his first name before he lost consciousness. Riza gasped, shocked that he had heard her. She did not know what to do. Should she tell him or not? Finally, she gave in and told him that it had been her calling his first name. Jean stared at her for a moment, then he asked why. In a low voice, almost in a whisper, she told him that she loved him. Jean did not believe her at first, for he said that she already had 'that Mustang man', and she was surprised he knew of their relationship. She told him that, yes, she loved Roy, but she loved him deeply also. And she kissed him to prove that. He believed her at last, and, oh, how he returned the kiss. She would never forget the wonderful sweetness and passion that one single kiss held. She made Jean promise never to tell anyone about their relationship, especially Roy. She still wasn't sure if Roy would like her to love any other man.

Both secret relationships went unnoticed by anyone else. After the war though, the laws on fraternization were reinforced, and she did not want her lovers to be court-martialed for fraternization. She decided to let both relationships fade away. She became a different person altogether. She put up a no-nonsense attitude, and she refused to talk to both men about things other then work. She corrected them when they used her first name. She pretended not to notice the little loving gestures they made for her. She did all she could, but she just could not stop herself from loving them. And so she did something for Roy. She grew her hair long. Roy smiled when she came into the office with her hair clipped up for the first time, but she did not return the smile. She did want to encourage their relationship to grow again.

And now, finally Roy had achieved his goal. After so many years of hard work and turmoil, he had become Fuhrer of the country. He immediately asked Riza to marry him. Riza would have been more than happy to say yes, if there was no Jean Havoc. She turned and glanced at Jean. He was smoking, as usual, but there was sorrow in his eyes. Sorrow because he knew what she would choose. She turned back to Roy. "Roy, I do love you so much. But the problem is, Roy, there is someone else. There has been someone else all along. Someone I've loved and needed. I don't know how that person would feel if I married you." She paused and looked at her other love again. "Jean, please tell me truthfully, how would you feel if I married Roy?"

Roy was looking at her, then at Jean, then back at her. There was this look of disbelief on his face. Jean hesitated for a while before replying, "I would feel terribly upset, of course." He sighed here. "But you must do you feel best. For, when you love somone, it is your task to ensure her happiness; to put her happiness before yours. So, if you are happy to marry Roy, I would feel happy for you."

She smiled. "Oh, thank you, Jean. I love you so much, and I always will. But you know I love him more, and I'm so glad you can let go." She flung herself at him, wrapped her arms round his neck, and gave him a quick, bittersweet kiss on his cheek. "I really thank you so much, Jean." Jean gave her a sad smile and watched her release him from her arms and turn back to Roy.

She took a deep breath and said, "Yes, I will marry you, Roy." Roy's face lit up. He looked at Jean. "Well, Havoc, it's still kinda hard to believe that she loves you, but I thank you so much too, for letting her marry me." Jean nodded at him soberly and said, "Just take good care of her, and I will be grateful." Roy answered him, "Yes, I will take very good care of her, and you can be sure of that."

That evening, as they prepared to leave the office, Riza looked at Jean solemnly. "Jean, don't think I will ever forget you. Even though I will marry him, that doesn't mean I don't love you anymore. I will continue to love you till the end of the world." She kissed Jean once more, a deeper kiss this time, pouring all of her emotions out to him, reaching out for him one last time. "It's so hard to love two people at once," she said bitterly as she walked away, and both Roy and Jean heard this.

They looked at each other with a strange smile, and both casted a silent thanks to each other for doing their part all these years, filling a part of her that the other cannot fill.

**Torn between two lovers  
****Feeling like a fool  
****Loving both of you  
****Is breaking all the rules  
****Torn between two lovers  
****Feeling like a fool  
****Loving you both  
****Is breaking all the rules**

_A/N: Oh god, this thing is even making me myself cry. I'm so sad now. -blinks back tears- I love this piece so much. It's just amazing. -sniff- Please read & review!_


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